Couple of things hit my brain.
1) I haven’t been here in a year. Wow.
2) I’ve let some people that I thought were actually truly close go. it hurt, it took a very long time for me to be ok with doing it, but the final severing came with me unfriending them on facebook. 3 so far.
Not gonna lie — it hurt. Giving up on them felt like giving up on something bigger, something … more. Something that seemingly, only I felt. I left friends whom I thought were people who were as connected to me as I was to them. People I’d known both for no time at all and also for 13+ years.
I gave up on the one who called me a whore, and the one who screamed at me to get my shit together before leaving the province i’d lived in all my life.
I know this sounds like “oh poor me” but that’s not it. I know I had some fault in these situations. That said, being told I was “just being a toy [he] can drag out to the woods” wasn’t what I signed up for.
Getting yelled at because I was struggling with divesting myself of my possessions in order to move 1400 km+ away was not what I signed up for.
I understand being frustrated with a person. Being frustrated with a close friend. I GROK THAT. Calling me a whore; yelling at me… yeah, not what I signed up for.
Leaving the people I thought were my bestests was so hard. Letting go, even after I’d been told, repeatedly to go, was hard. “It’s not you, it’s me” has run it’s term. I realized that as much as I know how to get ahold of them, THEY know how to get ahold of ME. They will, if they want. They won’t, I can almost guarantee it. I’m not someone they want to be associated with anymore.
It still (clearly) bothers me. I’m working on it. Removing them from facebook was the first step.
yay for steps.