On Monday night, at approximately 2 am, my then-boyfriend hit me. With his fist. I do not have memory of what lead to that, but I know things have not been good between us for a while now.
What I am seeking to do here is to speak out. Any man who hits a woman is committing domestic violence, and it’s not something that should ever be covered up. Ever. Too many women allow their partners to be physically and verbally abusive. For me, everything ground to a complete halt the instant I realized what had happened. We went from a petty argument to him standing at the door to the bedroom, going to sleep on the couch. Life has come to a dramatic halt.
I caught myself, despite knowing better, despite having had experiences with other women in this situation in the past, falling into the pattern of victim-speak, even in my own head. I was talking to my father and he was giving me a list of things to do.
Change the locks, go see the RCMP, go see your Doctor. I caught myself thinking, “Oh, this isn’t THAT bad. He wouldn’t do that again. I’m sure he didn’t mean it. I don’t need to go to the cops!”
As soon as I heard myself think that, I immediately banished those thoughts. No matter what, THIS IS NOT MY FAULT. I am not to blame for this. This is unforgivable, inexcusable, and most of all, NOT OK. He broke our relationship in the split second in which the impulse to hit me travelled from his brain to his fist. Our life will be dismantled, I will stand strongly and confidently on my own two feet and take care of myself.
Edited to Add: In order to negate the questions I’m getting, yes, I have gone to the RCMP. He has been charged and there is a no contact order in place. There will be a court date that I do not have to attend next week. He went into the RCMP office willingly (many do not) and admitted to everything (something else many do not). People keep telling me I’m brave, courageous and strong, and yes, I am all those things, but you know what else I am? Not letting him get away with this shit. I do not deserves this – NO ONE does.
Much like I spoke out about my depression because people need to not be stigmatized by mental illness, I am speaking out about this. This happens to so many people and it shouldn’t. Ever.